24 mistakes I’ve made at 24

a listicle for my 24th birthday <3

Hey, stranger.

Today is my birthday. I’m sitting in bed with my coffee, reading an old favorite book, which is the perfect way to start any morning. I loved everything about 23— the way it sounded when I told people, the look of the number, the things that have come into my life this year, all of it. And although I love digesting peoples lists of things they’ve learned at 15, 25, 30, etc, I figured it might do me well to reflect instead on the mistakes I’ve made, in hopes that I will not make them again. Or perhaps because if there is anything I’ve learned, it’s that mistakes are markers of a life lived fully, bravely, and sometimes a little messily. Without further ado, here are the 24 mistakes I’ve made at 24.

1. Pursued perfection instead of consistency. I think I would have enjoyed everything from school sports to making friends if I had just embraced the process of failing and trying again without holding myself back so rigidly.

2. I used to be embarrassed by admitting what I wanted out loud. I didn’t like being misunderstood and I didn’t like when someone would treat me like I was just too young to know what I wanted and I especially didn’t like when I felt like no one else wanted the things I did.

3. Chased a career path to prove myself to people. No one cares what you do for work, in the end. And I’ve only ever excelled at something if I care about it. I found passion in engineering eventually, but I suspect I could work half as hard to achieve twice as much competency if I had chosen a field that came more naturally to me.

4. Made books my personality. In my experience, people care more about what you produce— whether that be a feeling or the type of support you offer or the work you make— than what you consume. I am glad that I’ve been greedy in my consumption of art and literature and music but I should not have relied on it to give me a personality. Character, it seems, is formed in the world right in front of you.

5. Any period of time where I’ve stopped eating dairy should have its own bullet point on this list. Am I lactose intolerant? Seems likely. But life is far, far too short not to eat chocolate cake and brie cheese and cherry garcia ice cream.

6. Spent many, many years very uncomfortable by my own earnestness. I used to be so confused as to how some of my peers seemed to be endlessly subdued and collected. Eventually I trained myself to hold back from being too overzealous when I made a new friend or had an idea for a project or was excited about a new book. Which, as it turns out, was just turning myself off from all the wonderful bits of life.

7. “Don’t mistake experience for intelligence.” My dad said this exact line to me on some random Tuesday a few years ago and it legitimately changed my life. I was constantly embarrassed about asking questions or not knowing better or needing help. But experience is not the same as intelligence. You’re not dumb if you mess up at your first try.

8. Not letting people be who they naturally are. This always caught me by surprise. Notice how the people in your life treat others. Being friends with someone who does not keep friends for very long or doesn’t thank the waiter or is a bit too harsh to someone who’s wronged them does not mean that you are exempt from being treated that way one day if you fall out of favor with them.

9. Thought of myself as the only 20-something who feels lost and exhausted by having the rest of your life in front of you. It’s so much more fun to remember that being lost is the point and to not obsess over figuring it out so much.

10. Never learned how to French braid my hair. Or curl it very well. Or give myself a blow out.

11. Ran away from embracing my own features into the arms of trying to look like someone I’m not. Things gets so much easier when you lean into what gives easily, not ramming endlessly against walls. Eventually, I found colors that I genuinely enjoyed wearing regardless of trends, makeup that suited my features, shoes that I got excited to put on.

12. I still make this mistake all of the time but: having the mindset that if someone doesn’t like me, I must have done something wrong. Sometimes people are bitter and cruel and wicked and it’s none of my business!

13. Recited Sylvia Plath’s Fig Tree passage on hard days and let the existential dread of not knowing what to do with myself keep me in bed for hours. The truth is, dear reader, that that passage is from a character who had no love for life, no interest in it, and could not see that although some figs may drop, new ones will grow. I had to learn to reframe that dread into a state of being so curious about how my life will turn out that I run blindly at whatever came my way instead of holding it in my palm, dissecting it from all sides, evaluating the cost of making a choice. There is no cost besides what it will do to your soul to never grab onto one of those figs.

14. Took my feelings too seriously. Sometimes I forget that feelings are just feelings and assigning so much weight to whether they are good or bad or frustrating or silly is far more challenging than just letting them come and go.

15. Failed to remember that I am my own soul mate. Being in love is wonderful, having people you love and who love you in return, whether that be friends or family, is also wonderful. There is no replacement for being in love with yourself, though. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that.

16. Always taken the high road. Or tried to, at least. I’ve witnessed grown adults acting like middle schoolers far too much in the past month and although I raged and ranted to my friends afterwards, I kept my mouth shut in the moment. I shouldn’t have. Recently I’ve been thinking of all of the shitty things I’ve let people get away with just in the name of being the bigger person and I’m starting to understand you can be kind and have a backbone and the secret lays in knowing when to stand up for yourself. Sometimes you just need to tell someone to keep your name out of their mouth!

17. I should have been pursuing knowledge of myself like it was the most important thing in the world. There are instances where just the fact that I know my own pattern of reactions makes it so much easier to weather them. In fact, everything is easier when you are more knowable to yourself. It should have been my most important pursuit from the time I was able to pay attention.

18. I often find myself in love with lofty, ambitious goals and the view from the top but give very little focus all of the work it will require. This often results in having to go back to square one a few days, weeks, months in. Foundations, foundations, foundations. Getting good at the small things that build to the lofty goal is a far easier route than trying to reach the top at the first go.

19. I didn’t hug my friends hello and goodbye until I was 22 years old and I met Michael, who made fun of me on our first date for giving hugs like I would rather be doing anything else. Now I hug people tightly whenever I see them and tell them to get home safe and that I love them without a second thought. I think being openly affectionate with people is très chic and have no idea why I was so closed off about it for so long.

20. Slept in until the last possible moment on a weekday. With love and respect to myself: I don’t like rushing! I enjoy a slow morning! I always get mad when I can’t drink my coffee in peace! Why I forget that come morning will always be a mystery to me.

21. Avoided things that feel like work— responding to texts in a timely manner, making plans during a busy week, cooking, buying and wrapping gifts for small occasions, stretching after a workout— even though I know the best things come from putting effort in. It turns out that more work lays on the other side, anyway, so better just do it upfront.

22. When I was a kid, my family went on vacation and I found myself standing on a high dive, a crowd of tourists and locals below me, cheering me on. There was something ridiculous like seven orange cream sodas on the line if I was brave enough to make the jump. I remember my trembling legs and breath that didn’t quite make it to my lungs and my body’s refusal to move. I chickened out. My younger sister, who has never seemed to falter, walk right up and jumped off without a second thought. She got the sodas and I got a bitter taste in my mouth that I was too much of a coward to jump. I regret every moment I’ve hesitated because I was afraid. There is nothing I resent more than fear holding me back from whatever I want and have since made a pact to always choose the scarier path, no matter what.

23. Not drinking at least one glass of water a day. The amount of bad days that could have been avoided if I just drank more damn water is insurmountable.

24. Thought that just because I’ve been able to put something into words that that means I must know it. Knowing is slippery and intangible. Half of this list is written and logged as Things I Know but I guarantee I’ll make the same mistakes again and again and again. Such is life. It’s still fun to quantify and display lessons you’ve learned in order to look at it in satisfaction as proof that the years have amounted to something.

I wish I could say those are the only 24 mistakes I’ve ever made. But there is a whole other pile of them that I haven’t examined or learned from or even realized was a mistake yet. A fact that slightly terrifies me but again, I remind myself that there can be no great and terrible knowledge without cutting yourself in the process to find it. I claim this list as my own and know that each and every failure of mine has led me to where I sit now, coffee cold and in need of a refill, and what a wonderful place that is.

I’m going to tell you my birthday wish and we can pretend I didn’t so that it will come true: I wish to continue adding to this list through a myriad of messy, terrifying choices that lead to a very rich life. I wish the same for you. I wish that you and I never view our mistakes as sources of guilt and instead embrace them. I wish to remember that everyone has a list of mistakes and to not judge them harshly when I may be a victim of one. I wish to get very old and wrinkly and have each age be just as lovely as this one. Happy birthday to me!

xoxo,

Evie